She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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