hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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