I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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