I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
