it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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