i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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