WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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