Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
