Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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