Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
