so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
