Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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