something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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