OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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