I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
