Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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