i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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