all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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