Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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