what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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