things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we made out on top of his cat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
