I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
