Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
