i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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