My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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