Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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