ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
