literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
