I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
