About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
