Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
