Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
