I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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