So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
