I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
