I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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