ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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