I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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