If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Damn victory sex feels great
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
