I cannot find my penis.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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