Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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