I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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