and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
