i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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