is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
