i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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