Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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