She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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