all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
