We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
