Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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