I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to calm my uterus...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
