Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
