So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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