Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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