I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
