Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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