I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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