thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
