just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
