I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
