I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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