just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
