You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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