Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
