im holly from the hills drunk
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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