haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize