I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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