my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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