Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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