i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
