My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
