it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
