did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
