What did we do last night that was yellow?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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