he wants to bone in the snuggie
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
