i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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