She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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