It's Friday. Sex?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
