It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
