Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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