I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
