I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
