i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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