Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
