This girl is more easily done than said...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
