I cockslap morals
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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