Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
