It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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