Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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